An American Highlander

Travels Through My Mind

Batteries Not Included! June 27, 2012

Filed under: Getting to know me — charismaloy @ 12:36 pm

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Remember this little guy? Yeah, that looked a lot like me two weeks ago.

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My life was in shambles around me, and it felt like I was constantly fighting to keep my footing from being knocked out from under me.

As my big sister likes to say, I needed to ask a better question. I had been asking how I could survive the situation I was in. The answer was, “You can’t. This situation will kill you.” It was too, I was not sleeping, I was barely eating, I did nothing that brought a smile to my face, although I plastered one on when I had the strength. I did not write, we all know that I did not blog. The only thing that kept me from curling into bed and leaving the world to fend for itself was my daily chats with my sister. She kept me sane, and I don’t think I can truly express my gratitude.

So why am I back at the keyboard, rested, fed and truly smiling? Because I asked a better question. I knew that, above all, I had to survive. So my question became, “How do I survive?” The answer was simple. Get out of the situation I was in. Yes, doing this meant hurting feelings that I really didn’t want to hurt. It meant walking away with no promises to return. I have hopes at being able to go back and help out occasionally, but hopes can often get misconstrued as promises, so I find it better to keep mum about hopes. If things work out and I am able to go help out, then it can be a surprise, and hopefully, bruised feelings will have healed by then.

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A week and a half ago, I declared my freedom to the world. I spent that first week resting, eating real meals, and playing with my characters. I also spent a good chunk of it tutoring a friend so she could pass her class. This would have been better done over the course of the class rather than the day before the final, but we got the job done. I also spent a good chunk of that week searching for a job. The kind with an actual paycheck that you can budget from.

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This week, I am retaking control of my life. First order of business, is my sadly neglected house. I am very conscious of the fact that my body is still recovering from a long period of neglect and overuse, so I am being careful not to overdo it. However, I am making long strides towards making my home the pleasant retreat that it should be rather than the dumping ground on the way to the bed that it has been for far too long.  I have had numerous offers for assistance with this but I find that, although I abhor housework, the act of doing it myself gives me back the feeling of control in my life. It’s a small thing, yes, but I’ll take it!!

I start my now job in one week which, by my estimation, should give me just enough time to finish reclaiming my house and finish recharging myself. You see, I am like a video game character, but there is no magic potion I can take to keep me going. My health and energy meters are only refilled with time.

Are you asking the wrong question? Are you letting someone else dictate your life? Rethink your questions my friend. Never let anyone put a ring through your nose and drag you to slaughter.

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2 Responses to “Batteries Not Included!”

  1. It is so good to see you on the mend Sis. Happier days are ahead. Keep that beautiful smile going. 🙂


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